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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29501055">What once was</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/RafuMeika/pseuds/RafuMeika'>RafuMeika</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The sky broke like an egg into full sunset (And the water caught fire) [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Naruto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Ao Is Thinking About Him During The Fourth War, Ao Misses Shisui So Much, Ao Probably Needs A Hug, Before Being Struck By A Fucking Bijuu Dama, How Do I Tag, I Can't Believe Their Ship Is Not A Tag Already, I mean, M/M, No Beta We Die Like Uchiha Shisui Throwing Himself Off A Cliff, angst no comfort, shisui is dead, technically character death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 01:29:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,211</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29501055</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/RafuMeika/pseuds/RafuMeika</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>There are so many ways to say a name.<br/>With anger, or with happiness. With exasperation, or with amusement. Like it’s a curse, or like it’s a prayer.<br/>In the end, Ao thinks, it doesn’t matter how he used to say his name anymore, because what is a name without a owner?</p><p>-</p><p>The war is raging all around him, but the image of Shisui’s eye implanted in Danzo’s head can’t stop haunting Ao.<br/>Ao thinks about Uchiha Shisui and their relationship.<br/>Of what it was, and of what it will never have the chance to be.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ao/Uchiha Shisui</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The sky broke like an egg into full sunset (And the water caught fire) [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2168316</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>What once was</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ao has never really let himself love.</p><p>He cared for something, when he was still a little boy with a foolish hope, before the Bloody Mist took everything from him and left him with nothing.</p><p>He’s sure he cares for Chojuro, too. The boy is too soft, but Ao doesn’t hate him. He probably cares for Mei as well, but their relationship is complicated and has never been easy.</p><p>Ao thinks before he acts, because the Bloody Mist has taught him that acting without thinking will only get him killed. He has seen many lose their heads because they thought to be strong enough to act without thinking, he has seen the blood of many tinge the ground unnaturally red.</p><p>Ao has always prided himself in being one of the few surviving the years of the Bloody Mist. There were more of them, but they all died eventually, while Ao is still, somehow, standing. Breathing and alive.</p><p>Ao doesn’t miss them. The others. He never really had a friend in the Mist, expect maybe for Chojuro. Maybe Mei. It’s not easy to make friends in a place where you kill or you’re killed, where it doesn’t matter if you’re from an enemy village or from the same village, where everyone can be a foe ready to strike.</p><p>Despite that, it would be wrong to say that Ao never acted without thinking. Never had someone he cared about.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>(It would be wrong to say that Ao has never loved.)</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Ao had someone, once. They were friends, maybe, and then something more, but never enough.</p><p>Ao is a selfish man. He keeps what he likes close to his chest, because he has so little that losing something would hurt, and yet he had been able to lose probably the most important thing he could have had.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>(He never did let himself have it. It was something nice, but he was scared of losing it. It was something precious, and now it’s no more.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He regrets it so much it eats him from the inside.)</em>
</p><p> </p><p>The thing is, Ao is also a liar. He tells himself that he doesn’t care when instead he does, and he tells himself that he never loved. Even when his heart felt like it could burst, when his mind was as far from logic as possible or when his hands lost themselves in black, unruly hair, Ao told himself that he didn’t love.</p><p>Ao remembers his first encounter with Uchiha Shisui, blood red swirling in eyes too big and young and yet already tainted by the cruelness of the shinobi world.</p><p>Ao remembers looking in those eyes without fear, tearing through illusions like they were made of paper and holding back a smile, because <em>finally</em> someone was able to give him a good fight.</p><p>Ao remembers the first time he lost against Uchiha Shisui. It certainly wasn’t the last. Ao never won against the force of Nature that was Uchiha Shisui, all curly hair and laughter and speed and amusement.</p><p>Uchiha Shisui always smiled during their fights, Ao remembers.</p><p>Ao also remembers the first time he could taste that smirk against his lips. It was hot like the fire that used to burn bright in Uchiha Shisui’s very soul.</p><p>Ao can’t forget, no matter how hard he tries.</p><p>No matter how many hands will touch his body, he will never forget the way Uchiha Shisui’s hands used to explore with silent awe, gentle fingers caressing every single scar present on Ao’s body.</p><p>No matter how many hair Ao will hold and kiss and tug and comb, he will never forget the way Uchiha Shisui’s unruly curls used to tickle his fingers, his cheeks, his lips, his nose.</p><p>No matter how many people Ao will call, how many names he will say out loud, he will never forget the way Uchiha Shisui’s name used to roll off his tongue.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>(No matter how much he lies to himself, he can’t seem to forget.)</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Ao hasn’t spoken that name in so, so long. He had promised to himself, once, years ago, to never speak that name again. But then Danzo has <em>that eye</em>, and Ao can’t let that go unpunished.</p><p>There are so many ways to say a name.</p><p>With anger, or with happiness. With exasperation, or with amusement. Like it’s a curse, or like it’s a prayer.</p><p>In the end, Ao thinks, it doesn’t matter how he used to say his name anymore, because what is a name without a owner?</p><p>Whenever Ao encountered Uchiha Shisui there was anger. Was it genuine? Maybe, at first. Was it an act? Probably, at the end. To cover up whatever they used to have.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>(Whatever they <strike>should</strike> could have had.)</em>
</p><p> </p><p>And there was happiness, poorly hidden under the false anger and exasperation and hatred.</p><p>And Uchiha Shisui used to laugh and smile and shrug away Ao’s worries. He would drawn him in like a moth to the flame.</p><p>Even when Ao used to curse his name like the worst person alive.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>(Especially when Ao used to whisper his name, in the middle of the night, like it was a prayer.)</em>
</p><p> </p><p>And Ao can’t stop thinking and remembering and missing and it hurts so much it feels like he can’t breath.</p><p>Ao knew that Uchiha Shisui was dead. He didn’t know how he had died, but he knew that he was no more.</p><p>Ao had thought that Uchiha Itachi had killed Uchiha Shisui, that fateful night.</p><p>Ao had thought that Uchiha Shisui had died by the hands of someone he loved, inside the village that should have kept him safe.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>(Ao had thought many things, some wrong and some right. Ao had hoped and prayed and begged the Heavens to be wrong about Uchiha Shisui being dead.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ao had never cursed the Heavens as much as he did the day he found out to be right about Uchiha Shisui being dead.)</em>
</p><p> </p><p>And as he feels the Biju Bomb traveling at an incredible speed, the target clear and unmistakable, Ao thinks that maybe this is fine. He has always been good at lying, he can do it even in death.</p><p>Ao speaks and listens and watches and thinks. He remembers and he lies. He grieves, he cries.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>(It’s not like anyone will see his tears.)</em>
</p><p> </p><p>And then Ao smiles, small and hidden, meaningless and important. Sad and angry and happy and exasperated and amused. Cursing and praying and hoping and loving. Hating. Wanting. It’s everything at once, it’s too much and yet not enough.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>(Nothing will be enough, nothing short of Uchiha Shisui in his arms, breathing and smiling and burning hot and bright like the sun, curly hair tickling his chin, a kiss on the shoulder, fingers slowly moving on his back, caressing him like he’s the most precious thing in the world.)</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>(Ao has never been precious to anyone, he thinks.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Little does Ao know, an Uchiha love is the most important thing one could hope for.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Little does Ao know, how precious he was in front of Uchiha Shisui’s eyes.)</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>(But he will never know, because Uchiha Shisui is gone forever, has been dead for years.)</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>(And Ao has never really let himself love.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And Ao has never really let himself grieve, either.)</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm so sad that this pairing is not as known as I thought it would be. Like?? I literally found one (1) fanart and nothing more, so I'm gonna do the most smart thing I can do<br/>I'm gonna write so many stories on these two to let people know how awesome they can be.</p><p>Anyway, I was just in the mood for some feels I guess, hope you liked this, I might even start an Ao/Shisui serie just so I can dump there all the drabbles/one shots/fics in general I will write about them in the future, who knows, it depends on how much I will actually write about them.</p><p>What can I say. Hope you had a good read, please let me know if there are any mistakes (really, so that I can improve myself) and if you want to hit me up with fics ideas or just to chat feel free to reach out to me on my Tumblr @uchihashisui-kun</p></blockquote></div></div>
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